


childhood blues

by hiinnie



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Birthday, Han Jisung | Han & Kang Younghyun | Young K are Siblings, Han Jisung | Han & Lee Felix are Best Friends, Hwang Hyunjin & Kim Seungmin are Best Friends, M/M, Mentioned Choi Jisu | Lia, Mentioned Lee Minho | Lee Know, Mentioned Shin Yuna (ITZY), Shooting Stars, Stargazing, mentioned hyunho, the other three don't appear srry, they're childhood friends, they're like platonic soulmates, well her name here is "julia from literature"
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-18
Updated: 2021-01-18
Packaged: 2021-03-15 20:49:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 18,379
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28819536
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hiinnie/pseuds/hiinnie
Summary: No one really knew for how long Jisung and Felix had known each other. At some point, not even their parents remembered; had it been when they were two, or when they were four? It wasn't like they cared, though the love they had developed for the other over the years only had one wall to break: the words of their soulmates, written on their wrists.On their twentieth birthday, their friends and family are determined to break it down and prove that they are, in fact, each other's soulmate.or; soulmate AU where the first thing your soulmate says to you is tattooed on your wrist, and both Jisung and Felix are too confused.
Relationships: Han Jisung | Han/Lee Felix
Comments: 10
Kudos: 92
Collections: Jilix





	1. part 1: of soulmates and first meetings

**Author's Note:**

> i wrote this back in september for jilix's birthdays. originally it was a one-shot but since it's really long i decided to divide it into four parts to upload it here.
> 
> would anyone like to read a hyunho spin-off? i had the idea and i might work on it,,,
> 
> also, i'm writing a couple of bnha one-shots (tododeku & tsuchako) so if someone's interested pls stay tuned!
> 
> enjoy!!

No one really knew for how long Jisung and Felix had known each other. It was an ongoing mystery as years passed, the question nagging at the back of their heads after every birthday, after every time they recalled a memory from their childhood. They had gone through their entire lives with the other's presence as a main source of strength, not knowing what being deprived of that love was yet, at the same time, fully aware that its absence would leave them both shallow, lost souls wandering an empty world.

Placing an exact moment was an impossible task. They were sure it had to be on a very early age, else it wouldn't be so hard to remember.

It wasn't until the last days of August, with their twentieth birthdays haunting them from not so far ahead, that the subject was brought up again, this time in a much more serious instance by one of their mutual friends. Under the over-heating sunlight of a summer evening, the group had seized the remaining weeks of their break from college by spending as much time as they could together back in their hometown, and had been sitting on the grass of the field where Felix used to walk his dog, the canine accompanying them too.

"You guys are going to be twenty soon," Hyunjin mumbled as his hands drowned in the deep patch of flowers, staring back at the rest of his friends, "Aren't you curious about your soulmates?"

He was promptly pushed back into the grass, most of his body getting lost in it and Seungmin's stable arm preventing him from rising up, "Don't push it, Hyun."

The entire concept of soulmates had always been stressing to both boys, who weren't able to figure out what was wrong with them; its definition clearly stated that one would feel a special kind of emptiness, a type that could let you live freely yet never leaving you to breathe at peace, always reminding that there was something lacking. Growing up, both Hyunjin and Seungmin had experienced it and voiced how it was, how it felt to know that there was someone out there, in the vast Earth, waiting specifically for them, their first words written on their wrists.

The problem resided in the lack of these feelings from Felix and Jisung's parts; not once had there been that unnerving sense of hollowness at aleatory times. They couldn't quite place the reason, since the tattooed sentences on their arms gave away that they did have a soulmate, but there wasn't any other clue. The words gave a wide range of situations, particularly Jisung's, _The blue sky is so pretty,_ yet the younger's weren't short of possible outcomes despite their weirdness, _Is that a goose?_

None of them had worried too much about it, knowing there wasn't a specific age to meet one's soulmate. Still, when they gathered together after their first months of college two years ago and Hyunjin came overly excited, telling them about his soulmate and their recent first encounter, they started to feel a certain pressure regarding the topic. It didn't affect the genuine happiness they both felt for their friend, but it sure moved the perspective of themselves that they had. Because after Hyunjin had explained the emotions it gave him, the fulfillment, the knowing he wouldn't be alone, Felix came to a wild conclusion: his soulmate was someone he had met when he was too young, and he couldn't remember the meeting.

From that tree, two branches separated; it was either a person who had left his life early on and was bound to come back... or Jisung. Their friends knew this. Hell, Felix and Jisung were perfectly aware of their feelings for the other; the only things keeping them from beginning a romantic relationship were those damned words, the fear of the heartbreak that would ensue not being each other's soulmates.

"I'm not pushing it," Hyunjin rose from beneath the grass, the sudden movement making the dog run back to him, "I just want to know. Seungmin met his just before the summer break."

"Ours could still be years from now," Jisung reminded him. He called the animal, trying to divert her attention from the older to him and succeeding. A short sigh left his lips as he completed his previous statement, "Though I can't say I'm not curious."

"I really still think Felix and you are soulmates."

Inevitably, the latter glanced at his uncovered wrist, spotting the ink but not reading it; he had memorized it. They were simple words. Someone appreciating the blue sky above them. They didn't match with Felix's, and that was where all hope had been lost.

"Are you guys staying for our birthdays?" he asked in an attempt to change the subject.

Seungmin got up and dusted off his jeans, a smirk growing on his face that left them feeling uneasy as he answered, "Of course. And I already know what's going to be my present for you. Hyunjin, you'll have to help me."

__________

Jisung's and Felix's birthdays, being on consecutive days, tended to be a major event every year, almost surpassing the height of New Year's parties; the two families and a considerable amount of friends reunited at the sunset of the fourteenth, usually on the older's house since it was slightly bigger, and the fun carried them onto the sunrise of the fifteenth. Most people would show up close to midnight, just in time to celebrate the last of Jisung's day, and leave short after the clock striked half past twelve and they had congratulated Felix.

Seungmin and Hyunjin were always the ones who lasted from the very start until they passed out at the early hours of the morning, along with the birthday boys themselves. Their families would eventually grow tired and leave them alone in Jisung's backyard, wishing upon the rare shooting stars for the scenery to repeat the following year, and the next, and the next.

So far, it had been granted. That's why, when they arrived at Jisung's house on that special day and found no one in sight, the first thing they wondered was if they had gotten the dates wrong, despite perfectly knowing it was impossible.

"Maybe they changed the place last minute?" Felix yelled from the kitchen, hoping the other would hear him from the bathroom upstairs after having checked every single room.

Jisung walked down to the first floor again, "They would have told us, our birthday parties are never a surprise," he inspected the living room for the last time, moving the couches to make sure there was nothing under them. Upon finding nothing, he called the younger to the backyard, "There's only the shed. I don't think they're hiding in there."

"Doesn't hurt to check," approaching the structure, a fond smile grew on Felix's lips, "It was my favorite place to hide when we played hide and seek here, remember?"

Of course he remembered; all the memories they shared were treasured in the deepest parts of his heart. Jisung let his arm fall over the other's shoulder when he opened the rusty door, looking around the walls only to see the bags of fertilizer and the variety of tools his parents had always kept there. A gasp made him look back to Felix, who was crouching close to the old barbecue seemingly holding something in his hands.

"Look," he turned around to face the older, showing a photograph and a post-it note. In the picture their reflection from so many years ago stared back, two kids covered in mud and one of them crying helplessly. Jisung could relive the moment as if it had happened the week prior with just glancing at the six-year-old Felix holding his little hand.

"This is from that time my parents tried to make a barbecue here, but it started raining," humming softly the tune of the Pokémon theme song that he'd heard for the first time the precise day that photo was taken, Jisung read the note attached to it.

_To get to the actual gift, you're going to have to relive some memories. Find the next one on the primary school gates._

So they took the picture and started making their way to the place, silence not being a word in their vocabulary as the memory from the photo flooded back between them.

_SIX YEARS OF AGE_

_"Kids, come down!"_

_The last piece of Lego fell onto the floor, Felix getting up excitedly and kicking down their new creation in the process without caring to put it back up. His friend stared at the scattered pieces, wondering how such a simple movement had managed to break it in a mere second, and only followed the younger when his name was called._

_"Come on, Ji," Felix extended his hand, Jisung taking it with no hesitation, and then walked downstairs to the backyard. Instantly, the smell of coal and meat being cooked grazed their nostrils, beckoning to inch closer to the barbecue where Jisung's father stood by. The man smiled at the sight of the children, yet instructed them to sit at the table with the rest of the families._

_At six years old, a kid's best form of entertainment is bothering older people, not just for the sake of it but to fulfill their innocent thirst for knowledge, discovering new pages on the spectrum of emotions. The unfortunate boy to be subjected to the children's curiosity was, in most cases, Jisung's own brother, thirteen at the time and very much tired of his sibling and the self-proclaimed soulmate that never left him alone. Younghyun, having just entered high school, lacked the energy to deal with such messes of questions and laughs, but he somehow always ended up sitting on the floor with them and answering their wonders._

_"Younghyun," Felix climbed onto the older's leg, finding it to be quite comfortable, "Is it going to rain today?"_

_Both brothers glanced up at the sky, clouds covering most of their vision, hiding the sun a little more with each second passing. "I'd say so, yeah," Younghyun responded, "Hopefully not soon so we can enjoy our barbecue in peace."_

_Jisung had settled on his brother's right leg, opposite from Felix. Younghyun's arms were wrapped around both kids to prevent them from falling, his hands an easy prey for them to play with. When Jisung caught one, ready to fiddle with his fingers until the older pushed him away, he spotted the words tattooed on his wrist that mirrored his own._

_"Hyunnie," he called, making the other hum as a signal that he was listening, "Is Felix my soulmate?"_

_Felix chirped curiously at the question, eager to know the answer. As a proof, he put his tattoo on full display, Jisung doing the same short after._

_"Well, Jisung," Younghyun pondered over the words, staring at the ink on his brother's arm, "I'm not too sure. What does the blue sky on your wrist have to do with the goose on Felix's? They don't... they don't really match."_

_As if on cue, the first raindrops started to fall over them, the sunlight so far from their reach. Their parents started rushing not too long after it, for the rain got stronger and all they could do was carry all the food and plates back inside. Younghyun took the kids' hands, yet he came accross the obstacle that was his own little brother not wanting to move from where he stood in the middle of the backyard._

_"Sung, come on," he rushed, "you don't want to get sick, do you?"_

_Felix let go of the older's hand, approaching his friend who was now pouting, tears threatening to fall just like the rain around them._

_"Ji, what's wrong?"_

_The question only prompted Jisung to start crying, sobbing loudly as he took a fistful of the younger's sleeve and prevented him from moving farther, "I want you to be my soulmate! I don't want anyone else!"_

_"But you can't choose your soulmate, Ji," Felix tried to reason, putting both of his hands over the other's shoulders, "Maybe I'm your soulmate after all! I can't really remember what you told me when we first met!"_

_On an outburst of strength, Jisung pulled back and dragged the two of them to the groud, the already muddy grass sticking to their shirts. He entangled his legs with Felix's, holding tighter onto him, "If your soulmate isn't me, I'll cry until I die! Do you hear me, Lee Felix?" he wailed, "Until I die!"_

_The other couldn't do much besides pat his friend's head in an attempt to calm him down. The mud had stained every wrinkle on their clothes and the rain was soaking through their skins, so loud Younghyun's calls were muffled and ignored. Felix managed to bring them into a sitting position so that he could dry Jisung's sorrow away, unable to achieve so because of the forsaken droplets that didn't give up._

_"Then I'll be your soulmate. I don't care what the tattoos say," he poked Jisung's chubby cheek, his finger sinking into it, "You won't have to cry until you die because I'll be your soulmate, Ji. But we have to get inside, I don't want to get sick!"_

_Steadying his breaths, Jisung took the other's hand when he got up and drove them back to the house, horrorizing their parents when they took notice of the footprints their shoes had been leaving into the room. Despite the reassurance, Jisung's sobs didn't die down completely, instead using it as an excuse to latch onto Felix's arm for longer and cuddle with him; though they were stopped on their tracks before they could comfortably sit on the sofa and start paying attention to the Pokémon episode playing behind them. Jisung's mother was standing in front of them, a camera resting on her hands._

_"One day you'll look back to this and laugh," she said when her son asked what she was doing. Still not able to smile, Jisung let her take the picture and only cried harder when she prohibited both boys from sitting anywhere before they had taken a shower._

_Between so many tears, Felix promised himself he'd never let the older cry his way to death._   
  


"You got snob on my shirt," the blonde laughed, "God, you cried a lot that day."

"You say that as if I'm not a crybaby."

"At least you're self aware," Felix chuckled, glancing at the photograph one last time before facing the primary school ahead. A school by itself holds an impossible amount of memories; from students, from teachers and even from parents, having spent most of their days secluded in those classrooms trying to make the hours shorter making stupid jokes and giggling from the desks at the back. They couldn't place one moment that had been more important than the rest— except meeting Seungmin at the start and Hyunjin later on.

Indeed, tied to the gates with a messy knot was another post-it, this time accompanied by a lined paper that had to be almost as old as them. Upon closer inspection, Jisung recognized his own untidy handwriting spelling the words, ' _Do you have an extra pencil?_ '

"I can't believe this," he gasped, showing the note to Felix, "Seungmin kept it. This is from his first day at the school."

The other picked up the post-it and read aloud what had been written on it with tiny letters,

' _I wasn't planning to keep the paper originally. It happened on accident. On my first day I shoved the note into my backpack and forgot about it until months later. While cleaning my bag, I found it again and saved it on a folder, reminding myself to throw it away later. I forgot again, and the folder got lost. I found the folder last week, and the note was still inside._ _The ink surprisingly hasn't faded._

_I remember the moment clearly. What about you?_

_The next clue is on the public soccer field. You probably already know why._

_\- Seungmin._ '

A hand wrapped around the gates, Felix couldn't stop staring at the place inside, a map of it forming back on his mind; he knew exactly where every hallway ended, where every pillar was located. The ghost of his younger self was still running through them, playing hide and seek with the responsibilities that the future threatened him with, Jisung's high-pitched laugh echoing on his ears as fuel.

The sun was taking its sweet time to set, the sky becoming mostly orange at those moments. If they were fast enough, they could reach the soccer field before the darkness made it impossible to find whatever clue they were still searching for. Felix stole a quick glance towards Jisung's direction, catching him doing the same, a smirk growing on both of their faces knowing the same idea had crossed their minds.

"Race you to the field!"

_NINE YEARS OF AGE_

_The bitter feeling of waking up early for school purposes struck Jisung right on the chest, after having gotten up around noon the entire summer. Trying to cling onto the bedsheets didn't work for long, with his mother rushing him every two minutes until he finally had the strength to leave the comfort and get dressed. Breakfast was already on the table when he walked to the kitchen, greeting his parents with an excitement that had grown over the realization of his first day of school meaning new friends; he would keep spending the same amount of time with Felix, nonetheless._

_Still chewing on the last bits of food, Jisung took his bag on a rush, completely forgetting the jacket hanging behind the door in case it got cold in the evening, and ran down the street until he arrived at Felix's doorstep. The younger had been closing the door when he spotted his friend and practically threw himself onto him._

_"Ji!" he started walking, an arm resting over Jisung's shoulders, "Are you coming over after school today?"_

_The other nodded eagerly, their conversation turning to the brand new Wii console Felix's parents had promised to buy for his tenth birthday in a few weeks, and all the fun they were sure to have with it. They arrived at the school gates just on time to hear the bell ringing, following the crowd of students stepping into the building trying to not get lost on the way to the gym, despite knowing it like the back of their hands._

_As the start of every school year, the gym was packed with kids whispering to each other their summer fantasies and trips to the beach, until the principal claimed silence and all the voices quieted down, ready to listen to her words. Neither Felix nor Jisung were too sure of what she had said, given that her speech was just slightly different every year and they had been too caught up on their own little world to absorb her words; they only decided to pay attention when she started announcing the classes._

_"Class 4-A," she said onto the microphone, "Boo Daehwi, Choi Seunghee..."_

_The mentioned students lined up close to the door, their faces showing their boredom as they awaited for the entire class to stand behind them so they could go to their homeroom and officially start the day._

_"... Go Hyunwoo, Han Jisung..."_

_The latter got up, patting Felix's shoulder and crossing his fingers as if that would make the world magically turn to their favor and put them in the same class. From the line, he glanced back to his friend, smiling in an attempt to make the distress vanish from his face._

_"...Kim Seungmin, Kwon Yiseo, Lee Felix..."_

_The latter got up at the mention of his name, trying to mask his happiness as he stood behind the tall girl who had been called just before himself, avoiding Jisung's gaze knowing that, the moment they crossed, he would break into the widest grin. It wasn't until they arrived at their homeroom minutes later, free to sit wherever they pleased, that both boys hugged in the rush of euphoria a kid could so easily feel._

_Their new teacher, fairly young and his inexperience obvious to the student eye, found it quite hard to settle down every pupil in class; when he finally did, he began handing out paper sheets and asked them to write a few things on them. Name, siblings, pets, the possible aspirations a nine year old could already have —nothing short of soccer player, singer or veterinary—, and a few facts about them to later read aloud to their new mates._

_Felix had been halfway through writing his name when he noticed his friend searching frantically inside his backpack, moving the few things he had put inside in desperation. Trying to stop the fast movements, he put a hand on his arm and asked, "What's wrong? Did you forget anything?"_

_"Yeah, my whole pencilcase," Jisung miserably answered, facepalming himself at the memory of leaving his house too fast that morning without having even checked twice, "I think I left it in my room..."_

_"Quiet in the back, kids!"_

_Getting over the surprise from the teacher's yell, Felix chuckled softly, lending Jisung his pencil and a small piece of lined paper from his notebook as he whispered, "Ask the boy in front of you."_

_The older nodded and thanked him, quickly writing down a simple 'Do you have an extra pencil?' in his messy letters, scattered all over the place. He tapped the kid's shoulder, and when he turned around, eyes soft and kind, he passed the note onto his hand. Not even a full minute after, the boy turned around again offering a pencil and a bright smile._

_"Thank you!" Jisung said too loud for the teacher's liking, who shushed him down once more. Slightly ashamed, he glanced back to the paper, unaware of the other boy looking back at him every few seconds. His concentration focused on the aspirations section, not too sure of what to write; how could he possibly know it? Right at that moment, Jisung's only wish for the future was staying by Felix's side. He'd take anything if it didn't involve leaving the younger._

_When the bell signalled the end of the first class, he hadn't been able to put anything in that forsaken blank space. Knowing he had to if they were going to read it to their classmates later on the day, Jisung stole a glance at Felix's paper as the latter stretched out his arms; still, he found it hard to focus on the actual words, for Felix's handwriting was breathtaking by itself. The o's were perfectly round, the i's dots were replaced by tiny hearts, the letters kept close and intertwined._

_Jisung jotted down something along the lines of being a teacher, deciding he'd have years to think about it. Finished, he looked up to find that the boy who had lent him the pencil was staring intently at his movements._

_"Hey," Jisung called, giving the object back, "thank you for the pencil."_

_"No problem. " With the way the kid was looking at him, Jisung could have sworn he'd just find his soulmate; but he had memorised the words on his wrist and they certainly weren't 'No problem'. He feared the moment he'd come across someone who would tell him about the beautiful blue skies, already aware it could rip down the lifetime he was building with Felix. Before he could drown in his own thoughts, the boy spoke up again, "What's your name?"_

_"Jisung. Han Jisung."_

_Felix promptly joined the conversation, eager to make a new friend, "I'm Felix!"_

_"Well hi Jisung, hi Felix. My name is Seungmin."_

_Later on they would learn that the soft-spoken kid had been confused the first time Jisung talked to him because his tattoo spelled 'Thank you so much!', and that first day of school he'd been close to throwing himself onto the older in excitement before realizing he hadn't said the same words. But at that moment, through his eyes Jisung and Felix could only see someone ready to join their trip to the end of the world._   
  



	2. part 2: of four leaved clovers and unnamed emotions

"Damn, of all our moments with Hyunjin they really chose this one?" the older faked an offended tone when he spotted the little yellow post-it taped to the pole, a small glove tied between the net. He untangled it, taking Felix's hand and putting the glove over it, comparing the sizes. "You still have small hands."

The blonde giggled, feeling the soft material of the object against his skin. He had forgotten about that particular glove, but as soon as it was on him again, Felix was able to remember how and when he'd lost it. As it had happened with the note from Seungmin's first day, neither of them had expected Hyunjin to keep it for so many years.

"And I can still see the bruises on your face," he commented, staring at Jisung with the excuse of reliving the moment. It was true, though; Hyunjin had always been quite strong, despite his lanky appearance, and the punches he'd thrown at Jisung that day had left their marks for a couple of months, even after the invisible wounds had healed with their apologies. During those weeks, Felix had loved to shape the bruises into things his childish mind understood, in an attempt to make his friend feel better.

"My favorite one was the clover," Jisung sat down on the grass, taking the post-it with him and pointing at his jaw, "It was here, wasn't it? It was the one that hurt the most. But I liked it because you always kissed it better."

"I did."

Felix ignored the blush creeping through his neck, aware that it wasn't too visible with the last remains of sunlight, and asked the other to read the note.

' _The start of our friendship will always be the funniest thing to me. I literally told Felix he sucked, stole his glove, then proceeded to physically fight Jisung, and completely ignored Seungmin. And you guys still wanted to be my friends after it. I never told you, but if I know anything about second chances, it's thanks to you._

_The next note is at the abandoned ice-cream parlor we went to after our first trip to the zoo._

\- _Hyunjin_.'

They stayed there, laying over the grass field under the vast setting sky, with only their breathing cutting through the silence as they remembered each detail about that day.

"Hey, Lix."

The latter hummed in response, turning his head to Jisung. Their eyes met, and this time there was a hint of fear behind the older's calm expression, as if it was taking him hours building the courage to say whatever he was about to say next, and was still scared of the possible outcomes.

"Can you kiss it better again?"

Felix smiled and sat up, gesturing for the other to do the same. He pulled him closer and pressed his lips on the spot where the clover-shaped bruise had been all those years ago.  
  


_ELEVEN YEARS OF AGE_

_Felix had always been quite a fan of sports. Watching them wasn't particularly his hobby, but playing them was an entirely different thing; it was as if the rules were written on his blood, and his breathing patterns were designed to spend hours running around a field without growing tired. That was where him and Jisung differed— for the latter preferred to spend his free time lazily hanging around his house, watching TV or reading, yet would always show up at Felix's trainings and quietly cheer for him._

_At eleven, Felix developed a stronger interest in soccer, given that their school was planning on building its own team for the summer league at the end of the year. He had filled the application and managed to get in, among all the popular kids who excelled at the sport. Yet being a newbie, they placed him as goalkeeper for the first weeks until the coach was sure he could change positions in the field._

_On that cold February afternoon, Jisung could have been bundled up in his blankets at home, doing homework close to the heater in the living room; but Felix had briefly mentioned the other kids were a bit mean to him because of his lack of practice, and there was no way Jisung would let him endure that. He sat on the bleachers, hands on the pockets of his fluffy coat as he fiddled with the heat pack his mother had put in one of them. The players were now stepping out into the field, rubbing their bare forearms in a weak attempt to get rid of the cold._

_Jisung wasn't too sure of what to do to entertain himself. Watching the kids warm up and run their laps was getting boring, but there was no way he'd talk to the parents a few seats away from him. This time it had been Felix's dad who drove them there, but he had left to do some groceries and promised to come back at least fifteen minutes before the training session finished. Jisung should have brought his brother's DS console, at least. It wasn't like Younghyun paid much attention to it lately, with the start of his college year._

_A hand waved at him from the field; he squinted to see Felix happily running to the bleachers, so Jisung walked down to the lowest seats to talk to him._

_"I'm gonna do great today, Ji, because you're here!" his broad smile was contagious to the other, who nodded repeatedly and gave him a high-five of reassurance. Hearing his name being called, Felix ran back to his spot between the goalposts, and Jisung sat at the area closest to the field, making sure his friend could see him if he turned his head._

_The coach blew the whistle, the players running to the ball immediately after. The tallest among them took advantage of his long legs and practically leaped across the grass, passing the ball to his teammates occasionally and soon having it return to him. Jisung knew perfectly well who it was; hell, every kid at school had seen Hwang Hyunjin around, with lines of girls and even some boys trailing behind him, wishing they could be his soulmate. Truthfully, Hwang wasn't popular in the sense of having a neverending list of friends. Simply, his face was sculpted in a way one could already know he'd made a fantastic model as he got older, and despite not being the most intelligent kid out there, he was great at every single sport and people generally didn't bother to look deeper than that._

_Of course, all the swooning over him had gotten to Hwang's head, and he didn't tend to speak much, nor did he stick to a certain group of people. Jisung could sense he was a bit of an asshole, just to avoid risking it and say he was a complete dickhead. The few times he spoke about the boy to his family, complaining about him being the main topic among girls, his parents chuckled and reminded him he was just eleven years old. It would pass._

_But Jisung wouldn't let Hwang Hyunjin be rude to Felix._

_Their team —Hyunjin's and Felix's— scored a goal, all the players rushing to the middle of the field to celebrate before the coach instructed them to remain back in their respective positions. Felix beamed at Jisung, the latter giving a thumbs up and a smile almost as bright as his. A few times, the coach would blow the whistle and point out certain mistakes or make some kids change places; nevertheless, Felix remained goalkeeper._

_"Hey, Jisung," a deep voice took him by surprise; turning around, the boy met not only Mr. Lee, but also Seungmin beside him, "I finished groceries earlier than expected. I came across Seungmin and his mom and he said he wanted to see Lix training too. How's he doing?"_

_"He hasn't moved yet, his team is really good so he doesn't have a chance to stand out," he informed, moving to sit next to Seungmin, who let out a sigh of disappointment. The younger waved at Felix when he caught sight of him and his father in the bleachers, too, close to Jisung. Quickly, he focused back on the game unveiling in front of his eyes, still waiting to take part in it._

_The moment the ball was taken from him by the opponents towards the end of the session, Hyunjin groaned loudly in annoyance and ran after them as fast as he could. It didn't do much, though; they were already close to the goal, calculating a good position so Felix wouldn't be able to stop the ball. And then they kicked it with all the force they could muster—_ _and Felix, taken aback at the sudden movements, couldn't stop it._

_The rival team gathered together, yelling excitedly at their first goal in the entire training session that day. Most of Felix's team were indifferent, knowing they were still in advantage, but Hwang Hyunjin had turned on his heels and was stomping towards the goalposts, his expression too angry for Jisung's liking. He watched as Felix retreated slightly at the sight of the older coming towards him, bracing himself for the worst._

_"You suck!" Hyunjin yelled, pointing an accusatory finger at the other, "The only moment today that you could do something, and you didn't do it! Why are you even on the team if you don't know how to play?"_

_Jisung didn't need to hear any more. He jumped over the short wall that separated the last row of seats from the actual field, and ran towards Felix ignoring Seungmin's shouts from behind him._

_"You can't say that!" he yelled back, standing beside his friend. Jisung noticed his own hands were shaking; he wasn't one to fight, but when it came to defending Felix his brain didn't process things completely and his instincts took over. "He's trying his best, it's not his fault you guys don't let him play."_

_The younger tugged at his sleeve nervously, "Jisung, really, it's fine—"_

_"And who are you even? You can't just get involved in this, you know," Hyunjin sneered, "He can speak for himself, can't he?"_

_"Maybe if you weren't so mean he'd actually try to talk to you," trying to think of something that would hurt the other and shut him up for once, Jisung shot again, "but I guess that's why you don't have any actual friends! Because you're so mean no one really likes you!"_

_The pain that flashed through Hyunjin's eyes somehow made Jisung feel guilty for what he'd said. Maybe Hwang Hyunjin wasn't mean on purpose, maybe he had bad experiences with people at other schools— whatever was the reason, Jisung could only identify the regret clouding his mind, and as much as he wished he could take it back, he couldn't. Not now, with the taller approaching him, towering over his short figure._

_"Say that again."_

_Jisung swallowed. Felix was watching the scene unfold silently, as well as the rest of the people in the field and bleachers. He wasn't going to chicken out._

_"I said no one actually likes you."_

_That statement was all it took for Hyunjin to throw his fist onto Jisung's jaw. For someone his age, Jisung didn't know where he'd gotten that strength— maybe it was the amount of sports he played. Despite being a naturally weak person, the rush of adrenaline got to the younger faster than he'd expected it, and with his heart thumping loudly at his ears, he punched Hyunjin back. Throwing himself onto the taller, he managed to pin him down against the grass, yet he should have known it wouldn't last long. Hyunjin raised an arm and moved so their positions were exchanged; now, with Hyunjin over him, Jisung knew he was done._

_It took a few more punches and even kicks for an adult to step in; only then did Jisung realize Seungmin had been yelling at him to stop the entire time. The coach pulled Hyunjin away as Felix's dad rushed down to Jisung and helped him get up. The metallic taste of blood grazed his lips; his nose wasn't doing too good. Everything started hurting at once as the adrenaline died down, but it was nothing compared to seeing Felix holding back his tears, hand clasped over his mouth, unable to move._

_It wasn't until they were inside the Lees' bathroom twenty minutes later that the younger spoke up, right after his mother had left to search for an ointment to help heal the bruises faster._

_"You didn't have to do that, Ji—"_

_"But now he knows he can't mess with you, because I'll be there to punch him again," Jisung interrupted, wincing at the pain it caused him opening his mouth. As brave as he sounded, he still didn't dare look up at Felix._

_"Thank you," the younger softly said after a few beats of silence, "for defending me. Thank you. I... I really don't know how to thank you enough."_

_Jisung tried to think of something, placing his finger on his jaw and hissing in pain once more; the action made something come to his mind. He smiled sheepisly, debating whether it was a good idea or not before finally saying it, "Kiss it better."_

_"What?"_

_"Uh— I— it's fine if you don't want—"_

_Felix placed a hand gently over his friend's mouth as to shut him up, a wide smile making its way onto his lips. He held Jisung's face with care and examined it, kissing the bruises that were starting to form. Pulling away to see if he had missed any, he giggled and decided to give a second kiss to the one on his jaw._

_"You kissed that twice," Jisung pointed out, confused._

_The other grinned widely, "It has the shape of a four leaf clover. It's your lucky bruise."_  
  


"I'd give anything to have a clover-shaped bruise again if it meant you'd kiss it better," Jisung mumbled, not wanting to disrupt the peace that the night had brought, "Don't tell Hyunjin, though, he might just punch me again."

Felix's giggles filled the silence, amused at how bold Jisung's statement had been, despite having gotten overly shy after he peppered his face with kisses back at the field. The abandoned ice cream parlor wasn't too far; they could already spot the sign from the end of the street.

"Honestly, becoming friends with him was one wild ride. I wasn't expecting him to actually apologize," the younger remarked, "and neither was I expecting you to accept it."

From the corner of his eye he could see Jisung preparing to debate that fact even knowing perfectly well there was nothing to discuss, but instead, he pointed a finger up and stopped on his tracks, "We're here."

It had once been bright and colorful, full of life and people bustling in and out. Now, most letters had fallen from the sign, and the windows still sported the poster that let people know the place was up for both rent and sale. No one had rented it since it closed down; most of the people who lived in the area had moved away, letting the street die slowly, so it wasn't a good investment unless it was to be turned into some sort of warehouse.

As all abandoned things they'd come accross in life, the ice cream parlor held a fair amount of memories between its dirty tiles and broken windows. To Felix, particularly, one moment taken place in it had changed his perspective of life around six years prior; the reason why Hyunjin and Seungmin had guided them there, yet Jisung didn't know it.

Felix approached the door, scanning the outside with a couple of glances and realizing there wasn't anything. No note, no object.

"Push the door, maybe it's open?"

He obeyed the older and pushed it, finding it a bit difficult from all the time it had probably passed since it was last opened. The hinges creaked too loud in the utter silence that had been reigning inside the parlor, making both boys flinch slightly before they dared to go in. Surprisingly, no bugs welcomed them, though that didn't make the spiderwebs lurking in every corner less terrifying. The display window where all the ice cream flavors had been at their time was filled with dust and some sort of mud they weren't too keen on seeing, but otherwise, it was empty. During its peak, the floor had been covered with a dozen of tables and the triple amount of chairs; Jisung remembered there was even a couch at some point. Now, only two tables and three chairs remained, giving the place the eerie feeling that came with abandonment.

"This..." the blonde tried to say, but the words got stuck at his throat. How could such a wonderful place end up barely becoming the ghost of what it had once been?

"Come on," Jisung put a comforting hand on his shoulder, "we don't want to stay here for too long, do we?"

Sniffing softly, Felix walked towards the counter while the other stayed back, both searching for the note their friends said they'd left there. A couple of minutes later, Felix turned around with a paper in his hands and a polaroid photo, taking Jisung's hand and sitting both of them down at the cleanest table they could find.

"I remember this," the latter said, excitement radiating off his every pore, "Seungmin brought his parents' old camera to the zoo. We came here as soon as we got back instead of going home."

"Seungmin got mint chocolate chip ice cream and Hyunjin tried to argue with him," Felix laughed as he stared at the picture, "You tried lemon ice cream for the first time and you hated it. I had to give you mine."

"Not my fault it's awful!" Jisung put on the best hurt expression he managed, a hand over his chest in exaggeration, "Besides, you said you preferred lemon over the strawberry you ordered."

Once again, a fond smile took over the younger's face, "Yeah, I did."

In the photo, a fourteen years old Seungmin had his arm extended, holding out the camera in the best way he could to take an attempt at a selfie; beside him, Hyunjin was looking at the boy with a smirk dancing on his chocolate-covered lips, trying his best to not laugh at the position his friend was in. It was the first photo of the three they took that evening, judging by the way Felix and Jisung were not looking at the camera, but feeding each other tiny scoops of ice cream. They remembered it clearly; Seungmin had asked for a second picture after seeing they hadn't been paying attention, yet on that second chance Hyunjin's food got stuck on his throat and he kept coughing for five minutes before the youngest pulled them for a third try.

Still, Felix and Jisung were surprised to see the first photo instead of the last.

The post-it note behind it was enough of an explanation when they read it,

_'Remember I made you take three photos? When I got back home and looked at them, I decided this one was my favorite. It's just because of the way you two are looking at each other._

_And after what Felix confessed to me that day, it only made it better. I promised myself I'd treasure this picture, and for years it was my main source of hope in love. I looked at it whenever I felt lonely. I looked at it again this summer after meeting my soulmate._

_Now I think you both need that hope in love, so I'm letting you have it._

_The next clue is at Jisung's backyard again._

_\- Seungmin.'_

"What is he talking about?" Jisung asked after a few seconds of silence, "What did you confess to him?"

Felix stared at the photo again, focusing on his own face that looked at Jisung eating the strawberry ice cream as if he were the most precious thing in the world; because for him, he was, he had always been, and it was only that evening at the parlor when he realized what it meant.

"That day was when I realized I liked you."  
  


_FOURTEEN YEARS OF AGE_

_A trip to the zoo in the neighboring city had excited all the hormonal teens in their class since its announcement; however, if someone had to win a prize for it, it was undoubtedly Hyunjin. Having gone years before with his cousins, the animals left him entranced and he had been hoping for a chance to go again with his friends. School kept them busy enough to not give him that opportunity, so when the teachers themselves told them about the trip, the boy had been more than happy. He'd talk their ears off with all the things he'd seen there; from the animals and plants to the gift shops._

_When that Friday finally arrived, they were all content— especially Seungmin, who had been at the verge of slapping Hyunjin into silence for the previous week. Sitting in the bus for two hours got him to shut up, only because he fell asleep on the younger's shoulder while the latter fiddled with the old camera his parents had lent him for the day. In the seats behind them, Felix and Jisung had surprisingly resorted to a comfortable quiet, listening to music from the MP3 the older had stolen from Younghyun that same morning._

_Hyunjin woke up just before the bus stopped, an ability that shocked the other three but that they chose to ignore as they followed their teacher throughout the zoo. Reptiles found their way to Jisung's heart, staring at the teenagers through their terrariums; Felix tried to argue, insisting on the tigers' more majestic movements and royal appearance. It wasn't until they got to the penguins that they both fell completely in love with their clumsy feet, the way they fell over each other and then launched themselves into the water with no particular worries. Penguins won the spot as their favorite animal as soon as they caught sight of one._

_Around one or two in the afternoon, the teacher gathered the entire class and counted the students. After making sure there was no one behind, she explained they had two free hours until the bus arrived back, therefore leaving them free to explore the place again promising they'd be back at the entrance fifteen minutes before the clock ticked four._

_"We should see the penguins again," Felix suggested once the class had dissipated in different directions, gaining a hum of agreement from his three friends, "and the tigers."_

_"And the reptiles."_

_"Okay," he smiled at Jisung, "the reptiles too."_

_It took its sweet time to arrive to all the spots they agreed on, with Seungmin trailing a few meters behind taking pictures of every little thing he had missed during the first round with their class. Minutes passed by surprisingly slowly, yet the boys marched onwards knowing those three places were quite far from each other. Once or twice along the way Hyunjin spotted a vending machine and made the group stop, buying candy bars for the four of them despite Jisung's complaints of wanting to get there faster._

_Indeed, they saw the reptiles and the tigers for the second time that day— though all twisted when they reached the penguins again and both Jisung and Felix found themselves alone, no trace of their other friends behind._

_"What the hell?" the older looked around frantically, ignoring the animals he'd grown attached to, "Did we lose them at the last machine?"_

_Seeing the situation, Felix tried his best to remain calm and reminded himself that, with or without them, they'd have to go back to the entrance soon, "This place is big, Ji. We should head back and see if we find them."_

_Not knowing where to go, which step to take, having no one beside him; these were Jisung's worst fears, the ones he felt deep at his very core and could make him unable to move, yet Felix knew them as if they were his own terrors. In an attempt to reassure everything would be fine, that he wasn't going anywhere, the younger intertwined his pinky with Jisung's, "See, we won't get lost if we go like this._ _I will always be here."_

_The other nodded, staring at the fingers as if trying to convince himself, and Felix's heart took its free will, beating harshly against his chest. It had been happening a lot lately; the boy wasn't dumb, and despite brushing it off firstly as excitement for the upcoming trip, the feeling grew until he was sure he could classify it as heart failure._

_Felix couldn't place what had changed around Jisung, nor when had it happened. The shyness that took over his own smile whenever his best friend complimented him was starting to freak him out, and the way his nerves crawled to get out of his skin whenever he got too close wasn't something that pleased the boy. Jisung's laugh made his insides turn upside down, the melodic tones echoing on his ears at odd times in the day— making him happy had always been Felix's goal, but the meaning it was taking wasn't normal for someone who was supposed to be his best friend._

_He needed to tell someone. Playing around wasn't in his plans and would never be, for the words carved in both of their wrists carried more weight than whatever crush he could develop towards the other; if they weren't soulmates, there was truly no point to it. But Felix couldn't let the strong beatings of his heart dwell until they choked him— yet at the same time, he didn't have the courage to admit it out loud._

_Surprising both of them, Jisung hadn't said a word, taking the younger's silence as exhaustion and simply walking ahead, swinging their hands back and forth. By the time they arrived back at the entrance, most of the class was already there, Seungmin and Hyunjin waiting for them with innocent expressions proudly displaying on their faces, as if they hadn't left the two wandering around a place they had no map of. The taller threw an arm around Jisung and led them to the bus, the faint suggestion of going to the ice cream parlor being the last words Felix heard before they hopped on the vehicle._

_"You okay?"_

_He turned around to face Seungmin, whose eyes weren't as soft as the rest of his features, letting him know that he wouldn't accept a lie as an answer._

_"Actually," Felix sighed, defeated, "I need to talk to you. When we get home."_

_As for that, they didn't really go home the moment they were back in their town; Hyunjin insisted on inviting them for an ice cream as an apology for separating the group, so as soon as they got off the bus they found themselves heading towards the parlor in the main street of the town. The place had been there for around a year, bright, lively and seemingly promising itself to last for so many more. Inside, the cold breeze from the freezers welcomed them along with the bright smile of the young lady working at the counter, her demeanor lighting up at the sight of customers making her evening a little less boring._

_The four scanned the ice cream flavors in display, Hyunjin deciding soon for a reliable scoop of chocolate while the youngest settled for vanilla. Jisung stared at the colors, doubtful, before tugging at Felix's sleeve and asking, "Should I try the lemon one?"_

_"Go for it," the other encouraged, ordering strawberry flavor for himself aware that it was his friend's favorite; lemon would be too strong for Jisung, they could switch cups if necessary. The woman nodded eagerly at their orders and carried the cups to their table once she had filled them all, returning to clean the empty tables in a far corner of the area._

_Indeed, Jisung squirmed as fast as the spoonful of acid delight reached his tongue, shutting his eyes tight in an attempt to swallow it quickly. When he opened them back, Felix was staring at him with a playful smile, having watched the entire show, "What?"_

_"Here," the younger gestured for him to inch closer, pointing his spoon full of strawberry ice cream towards him. Jisung obeyed, tasting the sweetness that lingered in his lips even minutes after, and glanced back at the other to see him still grinning, this time a much softer spark to it. Feeling guilty for stealing his food, he pushed his own spoon to the boy, insisting him to try it. Felix did, yet his reaction was nowhere near Jisung's and, instead, asked for more. They giggled as they fed each other, ignoring the world spinning around them; time stopped, and only the sound of their bright laughs remained intact._

_Their little safe bubble could never be broken, not even when Seungmin took out his camera and yelled, "Guys, pic!". Initially upset with the result of the photo, in which no one had been paying attention, the latter groaned finally catching the others' attention, "I just wanted a pic of us. Can we try again, with you guys looking at the camera this time?"_

_The second try almost broke the camera, for Hyunjin's bite of ice cream got stuck in his throat and his loud coughs took Seungmin by surprise, the camera jumping from his hands for a mere second before he was able to catch it. A worried Jisung accompanied the older to the bathroom in hopes that a bit of water could stop the intense coughing, leaving the two youngest alone._

_"You wanted to tell me something?"_

_Felix diverted his eyes from Jisung's head to the boy in front of him, his nerves hitting him all of a sudden at the memory of what he had been eager to tell him. Now, with the opportunity right in front of him, he wasn't so sure he'd be able to. He glanced nervously at the words on his wrist, their only presence sending a wave of desperation throughout his whole body. This was wrong. Jisung was his best friend, not his soulmate._

_"You like Jisung, don't you?"_

_The shock that showed on his face wasn't close to the one in his brain; Felix thought he wasn't being obvious, given that not even himself was sure of his feelings and the mess forming up in his head. He forced himself to remember that Seungmin was a naturally observant person and that, if anyone was to notice something, it would be him, which certainly made things a lot easier._

_Without knowing it, a sad smile drew on Felix's lips as he answered, "Yeah, I do."_

_The third try at taking a picture when the two came back was the one Seungmin seemed content with, the four of their faces looking directly at the camera and grinning widely, showing off their almost empty cups of ice cream. By the time Felix was back at the safety of his bed, hidden between his blankets as if the world wouldn't be able to find him there, he pondered the confession over and over inside his head; his gaze kept moving inevitably to the tattoo on his wrist, threatening._

_Once and for all, Lee Felix was screwed._  
  


"It was really that day?" Jisung interrogated, a hint of playfulness to his voice, "It took me a while more to realize I liked you too."

"Really?" truly, the fact that his best friend reciprocated the feeling was no surprise to Felix— he'd known that for years, but they'd never openly talked about when and how it happened. "And when was it, then?"

The other seemed to think the response thoroughly, not entirely sure of it, "I can't remember exactly. It wasn't something that happened in a single day. I... I fell for you slowly."

Felix hummed softly, daring to move his hand so it was close to Jisung's, letting him close the distance and intertwine their fingers. They stayed like that, the older's thumb occasionally rubbing Felix's skin carefully as the streets around them kept changing, all the way until they stood at their start point once more. The clock on Jisung's living room reminded them that midnight was nearing, the mysterious aura dancing around the question of how many clues were left and what in hell was their present supposed to be becoming stronger with each ticking of the object.


	3. part 3: of first kisses and defying fate

They were sure the backyard had been empty when they left except for that note at the shed, so the only coherent explanation when another post-it welcomed them at the very glass door was that their friends had been going around the place while they were out. There was nothing else accompanying it; no photo, no object, and the paper was longer. With an idea of what it would be about and still shy about it after so many years, they read in silence for the first time that night.

_'Your sixteenth birhday party was held here, like every other year. It was the four of us, of course, but this time there was a lot more people— Jisung's entire family came, and damn, I have never seen a family that big. Plus you invited a lot of kids from school, and Felix's soccer team, and even some neighbors that you didn't talk to. I remember Felix dyed his hair a few weeks before to celebrate._

_Our favorite thing to do on your birthdays was stargazing after everyone had left. We would lay on Jisung's backyard and wait for the shooting stars, but most of the time we fell asleep before we saw one. That year, since there were so many people, it took longer for all of them to leave. It was around four in the morning when you both went out to stargaze. I stayed inside, because Seungmin had fallen asleep on the couch and I didn't want to leave him alone._

_I kept looking through the glass door to make sure you were fine. I was almost asleep, too. But one of the times I looked, you were kissing. I didn't say anything. I knew it was complicated for you two. But seeing you like that— I immediately knew you were made for each other. It didn't matter what the universe said._

_Even if you aren't soulmates, all the years you've spent building that love between you speak louder than those tattoos._

_And it's so, so beautiful._

_The next clue is actually at Felix's house._

_\- Hyunjin.'_

Before any of them could speak, Felix opened the glass door and walked out to the backyard, letting himself fall on the false grass knowing the other would do the same soon after. Jisung's footsteps were cautious, almost silent, as if the slightest noise could destroy the sky above them. The stars twinkled, trying to catch their attention, yet despite being staring at them, none of the boys could bring themselves to focus on the precious bodies so far away from their reach, so close to their souls.

"Can I..." the blonde started, the flavor of Jisung's lips ghosting over his own from a past time, their sloppy, innocent kiss making the urge to repeat it again erupt throughout his body, unbearable, "... can I kiss you again?"

"You always ask," the breathless chuckle managed to ease the atmosphere, Jisung getting closer to him, "I'm surprised we haven't kissed yet."

"You know, things are complicated."

Though there were no lies in his statement, for the first time Jisung felt the need to deny it, to scream that they weren't, that they had been the ones walking in circles their entire lives, lost. Being lost was his greatest fear— yet he had managed to remain astray for as far as his memory went back. It was enough.

"They don't have to be," his voice trembled, and he cringed internally at how weak, how desperate he'd sounded, "Hyunjin is right. Even if we aren't soulmates, all the years behind us matter more than these damned words."

Fighting the resistance his eyes were putting in not breaking contact with the older, Felix took a glance at his wrist, the tattoo still there, taunting. _Is that a goose?_ was a question he'd never imagined he'd grow to despise so much, each letter chaining his decisions over the years and him, never daring to challenge them and build his own fate.

"Yeah," he carefully approached Jisung, taking in every centimeter of the face he'd memorized by heart like it was the first time seeing it; his big eyes, reflecting the universe in the darkest hours of the night, his parted lips an answer to what was bound to happen next. "He's right. They don't matter at all."

In a swift movement, Felix closed the distance and kissed Jisung with the newfound courage that maybe, just maybe, things would turn out different and they'd follow the beating of their hearts this time.  
  


_SIXTEEN YEARS OF AGE_

_Turning sixteen, according to movies, was a milestone that needed to be celebrated in the biggest of ways— though Felix and Jisung didn't feel any special change, they gave in to that belief after tolerating the insistence of around a dozen of friends for the first week of September._

_The porch of the Hans' house was decorated in colorful Christmas lights, having decided to rescue them from those past holidays instead of buying a new set, and the confetti hanging from the bars of the entrance tickled Felix's face when he arrived the evening of the fourteenth, blonde hair freshly dyed to inaugurate those special years of youth to come. From the other side of the door, he could hear many different voices talking; a knock on it was enough to make it open, the tall boy he knew so well staring down at his platinum head and eventually giving in to his instincts, patting it softly._

_"Good to see you too, Younghyun," the younger laughed as Younghyun threw an arm over his shoulders and led him inside, "How's college going?"_

_"I've adopted stress as a form of life," he nonchalantly answered, raising his voice the closer they got to the backyard, where all the noise was coming from. With only a step on it Felix was able to see why; dispersed around the false grass, setting up the final details on the two large tables they had temporarily built was the entirety of the Han family— aunts, uncles, grandparents and cousins, he believed he hadn't met this sight before._

_"Lix!" someone tackled him to the floor and engulfed him in a hug, the harsh touch of his skin overly familiar to him. Jisung did no effort to move, yet neither did he, the responsibility of separating the two falling over Younghyun once again. An elderly couple pushed past them, careful to not drop the plates they were carrying, at the same time a younger girl approached the boys and pointed at Felix. The latter stared back at her, knowing they'd met before._

_"Yuna!" he finally yelled, picking her up like he'd done so many times when they were kids, "You've grown so much, I barely recognized you! How old are you again?"_

_She giggled, playing with his soft strands of hair, "I'm twelve, Felix, but it's been years since you last saw me so it's fine, I forgive you."_

_Jisung's family had been living in different parts of the country as far as he could remember, only reuniting in New Year's and sometimes, in the latter's birthday. Felix had met them all at different points in life— but little Yuna, one of the cousins, had always been the one to win the title of his favorite. Her playful spirit and neverending stock of laughter were the perfect combinations for a happy virus, something he hoped would never change despite the bitterness of growing older._

_She ran back to her family, pulling Felix's arm to make him follow. He glanced back at Jisung, who was watching the scene quietly with a permanent smile on his face, yet promptly accompanied him to greet the rest of the Hans. Several rounds of the same words he'd told Yuna minutes before, shaking hands and hugging people he hadn't seen in years passed before he was finally free from the loving hands of grandparents and aunts. Unaware of it, his hand had found its way to Jisung's, as a reflex to keep himself down to Earth._

_With the minutes going ahead a new person arrived, and then another, and another, until they could no longer discern the faces of the multitude that covered both the backyard and the living room. Seungmin and Hyunjin had initially decided to remain close to the two birthday boys, but no matter how strong their statement had been, it vanished between the plates full of snacks and liters of soda and now, they were nowhere to be found._

_Jisung was getting tired. The point of the whole party was far from his understanding— talking to people he'd never be close to, kids he didn't really know, cousins who had never cared for him, it was weighing down on the energy he'd built for the occasion, breaking it bit by bit. Those boys from Felix's soccer team hadn't been kind to him before, the girls that came following Hwang Hyunjin's invitation weren't exactly there for the hosts, twirling locks of their hair around a finger when the taller spared them a glance as if that gesture alone would catch his undivided attention. The excitement he had three hours prior, when his family was helping him prepare everything, had disappeared. Then, what was he supposed to do now?_

_A circle forming in the center of the backyard caught his attention, Felix soon calling him over to find their two other friends already sitting. Surprisingly, it had been Hyunjin who started the motion, as he was standing up, making all eyes turn to him._

_"We're going to play truth or dare because I can't think of anything else and there's too many people here," he explained, an empty bottle of coke moving from one hand to another, "so you better not be cowards. Tell the truth and do the dares unless they're too much. Simple!"_

_At near two in the morning, the bunch of teens was excited enough to follow along, but as tired as to not think of uncomfortable or dangerous situations and instead settling on the stereotypical, 'Who's your crush?', or 'Give a peck to the prettiest person in the circle' —which ultimately got Hyunjin an excessive amount of kisses on his cheek—. Jisung got his share, too, after Seungmin dared everyone to kiss the birthday boys on different parts of their bodies; hand, forearm, arm, shoulder, head, forehead, nose, eyelid, he lost count and, despite not being one for physical affection from those he barely knew, let himself enjoy it with Felix's giggles as the most melodic background music._

_They should have expected for anything to happen; with so many people with their equal quantity of soulmates and fate-bounded tattoos, it was a risk. But still, Jisung had the nerve to act shocked when one end of the bottle landed on him, the other on a girl from his Literature class, him choosing truth and her question being, "What does your tattoo say?"_

_For the nth time that precise day, the boy stared at the black ink, praying it would go away. As he got older, the words chased him further, and he knew there would come a day when he wouldn't be able to escape them. He sighed, so soft only he could hear it, and displayed his wrist for the rest to see as he repeated the sentence by heart, "The blue sky is so pretty."_

_It all quieted down for a second, and fear rose to his lungs in that split moment nobody in the circle dared to speak, focused on their own wrists until the girl who brought it up asked again, "Does anybody have that as their tattoo, besides him?"_

_A hand timidly raised up to the sky, another girl with trembling lips stealing the first's attention, "No, but what you just said..._ _That's my tattoo."_

_Realizing the mess that was beginning to take place, people took it as their cue to start leaving and, by half past three in the morning, only Jisung's family remained. The oldest members had already given in to the slumber and had recluded themselves on the guest rooms, distancing from the few awake. In the living room, Yuna's eyes were falling shut as she rested on Younghyun's lap, the older soon carrying her upstairs to have a proper rest; on the other sofa, Seungmin was quietly talking to Hyunjin, head positioned on the taller's shoulder as they played a game on their phones._

_"Well, that was something," Felix mumbled, the tired voice a great contrast to his wide awake eyes. He got up, stretching, and walked towards the glass door that led to the backyard, where the last of Jisung's uncles and aunts were helping clean a bit before leaving to sleep. Jisung followed him in silence, waving his family goodbye one by one as they retreated inside or, the fortunate few who lived close, back to their houses. Felix turned back after they'd all left and called the other two over, asking if they wanted to stargaze. Upon receiving Seungmin's soft snores as an answer, he threw himself over the fake grass, the older imitating him once he'd turned off all the lights in the backyard._

_The vast, naked universe smiled back at them, grateful for the people who took their time to observe it in its primitive state. Right then, when the stars seemed to hold so many secrets, Jisung felt as if all of them were beside him, contained inside the world of wonders that was Lee Felix, with the solutions to his every problem just a touch away. He complied to his spirit and held the younger's hand, intertwining their fingers, feeling the safety that always came with his touch— Jisung knew that was where he belonged._

_Getting up slowly, he turned his head to see Felix doing the same. For a few heartbeats, they simply stared at each other, a thousand words getting lost within the silence yet, at the same time, unecessary._

_"What are you thinking?" the low whisper came out gentle, their bodies inching closer without much thought going into the actions._

_"That I— we—" Jisung tried his best at making a coherent sentence, having to stop to take a breath and begin again, "No one kissed me on the lips during the dare before."_

_He felt stupid. That was the only way to describe it. Felix's stare had left him weak, a puddle of emotions he couldn't fully identify, and he wasn't sure why he was starting such a conversation after he'd processed his words. What in hell would come out of it, he didn't know; but in front of him was his best friend. One way or another, he'd get away with his weird phrase._

_"Well, it isn't something a random person is supposed to do, Ji."_

_"Ah?" he pretended to be innocent, imagining where it was all heading and, astonishingly, wanting to go with it, "What does that mean?"_

_"Don't play dumb," Felix chuckled, pausing for a second to think, "For example, would you have let Yunho from the soccer team kiss you on the lips?"_

_Jisung made a disgusted face, though the other couldn't see him in the dark, "No!"_

_"And the girl who asked you the tattoo thing— Julia, from Literature, would you have let her?" receiving a fervent denying from the older, he remarked his point, "See, you wouldn't have let anyone."_

_"Wrong. I'd let one person."_

_The confidence came from a place buried deep inside him, one Jisung didn't know existed but that regretted discovering as soon as Felix asked, "And who would that be?"_

_He knew perfectly well the blonde was smirking, aware of the answer he refused to say. A lie, an excuse, anything could save him from what was to come; Jisung knew when to put an end, and it wasn't right then. He'd come too far._

_"You."_

_"Are you daring me now?"_

_"So what if I am?" the older sassed, beating around the bush all he could despite wanting the moment to come once and for all. Through the darkness he found Felix's lips, holding himself back from them with all the strength he was able to muster. Their hands remained connected, the contact never breaking already a green signal to their instincts, getting closer and closer, until they could feel each other's breathing and their noses brushed against each other._

_No other confirmation was needed besides Felix's free hand creeping up to tangle itself between Jisung's dark strands of hair, and in a soft movement, their lips touched in a sloppy, naive first kiss. They went in for a second one as soon as they pulled back, the sweetness of the moment too addictive to stop, yet paused when they found themselves out of breath and let out a few chuckles at the situation._

_Fate watched as their third kiss was filled with little smiles and a hint of boldness after having glanced at their tattoos for the last time before deciding they couldn't care because, at that moment and place, only each other's presence felt right._  
  


The way to Felix's house wasn't long, yet they had wanted it to be for their hands to remain intertwined just a bit longer, for the silence to never be broken with innumerable questions of what should happen next. The building appeared as they turned the corner, the warm lights inside turned on an invitation to simply go in. Obeying, the blonde inserted his key and opened the door easily.

He had an idea of why Hyunjin had instructed them to come, given that the memories they had been reliving followed an order of age, and the last grand thing that happened at Felix's home had been during Christmas on their first year of university, two years prior. Jisung seemed to catch on as well, directly going to the corner of the kitchen where the Lees kept all the cookies and sweets for as long as the festivities lasted. Being barely autumn, the counter was empty, safe for the little paper he had been expecting to find.

"I was so happy for Hyunjin this day," the older mumbled, not reading the note yet as he turned to face Felix, "We all were."

"And yet we cried when they left."

"Can you blame us?" he sadly smiled at the other, taking his hand again and putting the paper on it, signaling for him to read.

_'The Christmas of our eighteenth year was exciting, mainly because we had spent months without seeing each other— well, Hyunjin and I, who were studying in different parts of the country. But also because he had met his soulmate just before arriving back at our hometown._

_As soon as he told us the news, Jisung dropped the jar of cookies on the kitchen floor and broke it. I knew why you two were especially shocked. We had to clean it all up before he could tell us all about it._

_Do you remember in which room we talked?_

_\- Seungmin.'_

Barely reaching the end of the note, the two had already begun their run to Felix's bedroom upstairs. In a hectic movement, they entered the place, finding it quite disheveled from having spent some time there that same morning. The bedsheets hung over the bed carelessly, the pillows arranged in a kind of fort that was starting to fall over itself; Jisung had been there not so long ago, but with only the light from the old lamp resting in the beside table, the room didn't look the same.


	4. part 4: of forgotten memories and shooting stars

He sat down on the bed while the younger's eyes scanned every nook, every crack, hoping the post-it would appear in a snap of his fingers. Jisung let himself relax against the soft mattress, putting his greatest effort in staying awake until he caught sight of something yellow behind the door, something he knew wasn't supposed to be there. With a tired groan he got up again, heading to the spot to retrieve the paper as Felix joined him.

"Here," the latter opened his arms after he'd fallen on the bed, Jisung giving in to them without putting up any fight, listening to that dear low voice reading the words one more time.

_'I met Minho on the train station before taking the train here. It was confusing, but you already know that. You listened to everything I had to say, but I knew it was hurting you both._

_Being Minho's soulmate has been a road full of bumps. He was kind of an asshole at first, and only now am I seeing his true colors and falling in love with him. When things got hard, when I wondered how in hell was I supposed to put up with him for the rest of my life, I thought about you guys. Because seeing you loving each other quietly throughout the years always made me excited for the moment I meet my soulmate, and I didn't want to lose that excitement. I couldn't._

_I know you're tired of chasing around destiny. That's why we're doing this. It has taken us almost twenty years worth of memories, but we finally have the answer. This is the last clue._

_Go back to Jisung's house, we're all waiting for you in the living room._

_\- Hyunjin.'_

"Ji," Felix called, though the last sentences had woken the other up completely, "Ji, we have to go."

With equally sparking eyes, the emotions too strong to be spoken, Jisung pulled the younger's arm and rushed downstairs, flying out the door without even bothering to turn off the lights.  
  


_EIGHTEEN YEARS OF AGE_

_The twenty-second of December, Felix and Jisung arrived back at their hometown after their first hectic semester at college in the country's capital, where they had rented an apartment together. Their place wasn't their best, given that two students with part-time jobs couldn't afford to pay rent in an expensive, centric district, and still have money for other needs; being back home was refreshing, and it washed them with a wave of relief they didn't know they were in need of._

_Too tired to function properly, the two fell on the couch in Felix's living room as soon as they had dropped Jisung's bags at his house, hearing the former's mother chuckle at the sight. There was no hint of Christmas in the area; Christmas at the Lee's wasn't the biggest event, the only sign of the festivities being the cookie jar in the corner of the kitchen that remained filled up until the holidays ended. Having only one child, Felix's parents stopped trying to make something huge of it as their boy grew up, instead going over to Jisung's to have dinner together and celebrate a bit; members of the Han family who lived far away gathered together those days, always welcoming them warmly._

_Indeed, the cookie jar was full of various biscuits, yet they didn't notice it until the next morning came and, still sleepy, they made their way to the kitchen in a desperate search for coffee. An early call from Seungmin had woken them up, reminding them that he'd be getting home soon, and a following string of texts from Hyunjin with practically the same words was enough to make the two rise to their feet and get ready._

_"Morning," Felix mumbled, unconsciously bringing up a hand to ruffle the other's already messy hair, "How did you sleep?"_

_Yawning, it took Jisung a few minutes to process the question, "I mean, we did fall asleep on your couch. My back hurts and I kinda stink."_

_The blonde giggled, pouring the coffee his parents had made into two separate cups, "You can use the shower first, then."_

_"All my clothes are at my house," he reminded. Stretching once the cup was left empty on the sink, he sat again in front of Felix at the kitchen island, bringing the cookie jar with him._

_"Come on, it's not like you haven't worn my clothes before."_

_Knowing he was right, Jisung took it as his cue to leave and take that desired shower. The feeling of the warm water cleaning his every pore was nowhere near the one that took over his body after he'd put on Felix's gray hoodie, one Seungmin had given him as a birthday present last year. It brought a sense of love he felt every time he wore one of the younger's clothes, particularly the fluffy, over-sized ones; it embraced him, a safe haven comforting his entire being. The fabric smelled just like Felix— delicate lavender from the liquid detergent they used at their apartment, but with that faint fragrance of the cologne he always put on before going out._

_Jisung walked downstairs again to see his friend lazily displayed across the sofa, watching TV without focusing on the channel. The tune of the Pokémon theme made him laugh, surprising Felix._

_"You're done?"_

_"Yeah," the brunette sat next to him, avoiding the urge to cuddle aware that Felix wouldn't go wash up if he trapped him like that, "Your turn."_

_He felt Felix's eyes on him for a few seconds before he finally left; it wasn't something unusual, but the unspoken words always made him think of a way to cross that silence. A silence they both had wanted to break since they were sixteen, yet that somehow were still too afraid to._

_It wasn't until twelve in the afternoon that Seungmin arrived, putting an end to the marathon of Pokémon and cookies the boys had been enjoying. With a yell of 'What's up, fuckers, I missed you!' as he barged into the living room, their attention was diverted to the tall figure opening his arms for a hug, complying instantly. Seungmin's chocolate-stained sweater was too soft and warm to make separating an easy task, but when they did, the first thing they pointed out was the dark blot._

_"A kid dropped his hot chocolate on me in the train," he explained, hearing as Felix's parents began chopping vegetables in the kitchen, "Not the worst thing that has happened this week. How have you been doing?"_

_It didn't matter that they had been texting every day, calling every two or three; catching up on all the tiny things that had taken place during their time apart was a great entertainment to pass time until lunch was ready. At some point they even joined the, unlike them, responsible adults in its preparation and helped them cook the rice, the talk only growing stronger with the interventions of the Lees._

_"Hyunjin doesn't seem to be getting here anytime soon," Jisung commented once they'd finished eating, putting the dishes in the sink to wash them later. From the corner of his eye he could see Felix fumbling with the TV in the living room, a loud cheer echoing once he achieved whatever he'd been trying to— Jisung saw the old DVD connected to the screen when he walked into the room, Seungmin trailing closely behind._

_"Mom found all my old Ghibli DVDs," the blonde excitedly told them, "We can watch them while we wait for Hyunjin._ _You know, like we used to do."_

_Hours went by between Kiki's Delivery Service and Howl's Moving Castle, two movies with completely opposite energies that made them go from giggles at the cuteness of the first to almost crying at the scenes the second one presented. They decided to save Spirited Away for when the four of them reunited, that being their favorite film as a group; and, as if on cue, the doorbell rang when the sun was beginning to set._

_Inevitably, the three rushed to the entrance and opened it to reveal a very happy looking Hyunjin— like there was something else besides seeing his best friends again. They tackled him into a hug and carried the bundle of arms and legs to the kitchen, Jisung and Felix settling on the corner where the cookie jar was, taking possession of it._

_"I have news," the oldest announced once he regained his breath, running a hand through his hair in anxiousness._

_Jisung chuckled, throwing a chocolate cookie at him, "You sure as hell look like you do."_

_However, his smile was soon replaced with shock when Hyunjin ignored him and told them, "I just met my soulmate."_

_"You what?!"_

_Discerning the voices was impossible, for now he was being bombarded with questions; but one sound stood out over the rest. Glass breaking, the shards spreading throughout the floor and hiding in the deepest nooks of the kitchen where they wouldn't be found, a loud gasp._

_"I'm— I'm sorry—" Jisung tried to apologize when all eyes turned to him, "I just— I—"_

_All fell silent as the boy tried to recover from his outburst, Felix soon walking to him with a reassuring smile and helping him pick up what they could rescue from the pieces and the dirty cookies. He instructed the other two to go up to his room and wait there, placing a finger under Jisung's chin to make him look up once they disappeared upstairs._

_"Ji, look at me," no matter how gently he whispered it, the other's eyes wouldn't focus, "Ji. It's fine. We're all shocked. You just happened to be holding the jar."_

_Not giving a proper answer, Jisung simply attached his arms around the younger's waist, hiding his face in the crook of his neck as if the world would forget his existence, the only measure of time being Felix's stable heartbeat. He felt him running a hand over his hair in a constant rhythm, a technique he always used to calm him down. Despite being a basic cycle of actions, it managed to bring back peace to Jisung's mind; though it was mostly the fact that the person with him was Felix, his safe haven, rather than the movements themselves._

_"It's just that, you know... The soulmate thing," he mumbled against the blonde's shirt, "it always stresses me out. And I wasn't expecting Hyunjin to hit us with it as soon as he crossed your door..."_

_Overall, he understood. Hyunjin hadn't had a stable signal during the train ride to send any messages or try calling them, yet even if he'd had, dealing with the surprise of the situation could have kept him busy for hours. Still, it didn't help stop the timer that had set at the back of his mind, a constant reminder that his own soulmate may or may not be out there; may or may not be the person he wished could openly call the love of his life, standing right in front of him._

_"I know," Felix pulled away, smiling when he saw Jisung was finally looking at him as if he held the answers to every interrogation in the universe, "It makes me want to scream, too. But it's a thing about time. Hyunjin met his today, but Seungmin hasn't yet. And he's patient. We have a bit to learn from him, don't you think?"_

_Jisung stared at the younger's back moving across the kitchen, taking four mugs from a cabinet and proceeding to fill them with instant hot chocolate. He knew they were avoiding the real reason anything about soulmates made them want to rip their lungs out; the solution wasn't within their reach anyways, so truly, Felix wasn't wrong. Seungmin had a lot to teach them about patience._

_Carrying two of the cups, he followed the other into his room where their friends were waiting, and distributed the steaming drinks among them, soon giving in to its sweetness and finding it easier to focus on Hyunjin's words._

_"His name is Minho," he began, glancing again at the tattoo on his wrist as he relived the moment over and over in his head, yet not looking the happiest, "We met at the main train station in Seoul. It was crowded, and I could barely see where I was going._ _I ran into him accidentally and..."_

_The ink displayed a single word, 'Move.', one that had thrown off Hyunjin since he'd learn to read; how many people in the world would he run into as he experienced life, how many would tell him that exact thing? Having something so generic engraved in your own skin was nowhere near making things easier— it didn't even bring down the number of possible situations to a certain kind._

_"...and I ran after him asking for his name, as I have done everytime someone asked me to move," with a sigh, the boy threw his head back until it hit the wall beside Felix's bed, "He told me it was Minho, a bit rudely if I'm being honest, and then he kind of panicked and looked at his tattoo and just stood there, not moving._ _That's how I knew."_

_Taking advantage of his pause to drink a bit of the chocolate, Seungmin tried to squeeze more information, "And? Did you exchange numbers or something? Did you go in the same train?"_

_Most of Jisung's life had been spent thinking about his misfortune with fate, how unlucky he believed he was in terms of those precious soulmates; but hearing Hyunjin's answer made his eyes widen at how screwed up his friend was, undoubtedly more than himself._

_"No, we didn't," he loudly groaned, "For both questions. I think he was going south. And he ran away before I could ask anything. Fuck," Hyunjin ran a hand through his unkempt hair in frustration, "fuck, I'm just hoping he returns the same day as me and we cross again."_

_Night fell with their attempts at consoling him, the four covered in Felix's blankets as a shield from all the possibilities raining on the poor boy, the board games enough of a distraction for his troubled mind. Though it didn't last long, with Hyunjin and Seungmin going back to have dinner with their families, leaving the other two with so many sentences hanging in the air, threatening. Ultimately, discussing them wasn't going to make it better; maybe that's why Jisung glanced at Felix from beneath the covers and bit by bit, got closer, until their thighs were touching and there was no point in using two different blankets._

_The younger covered them both with the one he'd been clinging to, feeling Jisung's breathing patterns against his neck. Once more, he found himself holding back his impulses, and settled in just holding his hand._

_"I'm tired of this, Lix."_

_Felix knew what he was talking about. The exhaustion in his voice, the false light that had been dancing in his eyes for as long as Hyunjin spoke were enough of an indication. He was tired, too. Still, he couldn't bring his voice to speak._

_"I'm tired of loving you without being able to do anything about it," Jisung went on, nuzzling the other's exposed shoulder with his nose, the words coming out muffled, "We both know we're gonna kiss now, and probably next week again. But we're never going to have more than that. How long does it have to be like this?"_

_"You don't know how much I wish I could answer that," the reply was almost whispered and his voice trembled at the impotence the question always gave him. Jisung's big eyes stared back at his, stealing all the air from his lungs when he realized his faces were getting closer, their foreheads almost touching._

_In a slow movement, the older rested his hand on the back of Felix's neck, pulling him in after a last statement, "Let's just forget it for now, like we always do."_

_The kiss became part of an evergoing list of those they gave into in hopelessness, a list that started from their first one at sixteen. It started clumsily, both too lost to fully know what they were doing, yet soon turned into a soft dance of their lips against each other, their hands rediscovering each of the other's features, breaking it to take short breaths and quickly going back in— this time much more desperate, until one was on top of the other and, in that position, they knew they had to stop before it escalated._

_Completely red and with his heart rate spiked up, Felix buried his face in Jisung's chest to avoid being seen, sighing when the older's chuckles vibrated against his whole body. Holding onto each other and the fluffy blanket, sleep overcame them._

_This was as much as they allowed themselves to love._  
  


The breezes that moved past them at almost two in the morning didn't help bring down their nerves, eager to fly out of their skin. Uneasy, yet a feeling that could get them on cloud nine, and instead of walking faster they slowed down their pace, wanting to savour every last bit of the walk. Again, their hands swinged back and forth, clasped together in a tight, anxious grip.

"I never really thought about asking you," Felix said in a low voice, still looking at the streets ahead, "but, what's your favorite memory of us?"

Almost physically stopping, Jisung had to take some time to think it through. The moment he'd dared to fight Hyunjin when they were eleven, though embarrasing, held a spot in his heart, because it made him realize early on all the things he'd be willing to do for Felix. If he had to pick a favorite... that characteristic blush appeared on his neck, thankful that most of the streetlights didn't work properly.

"Maybe our first kiss," it shouldn't make him so flustered, wanting to hide inside a hole and never come out; that kiss had been so many years ago. Not to mention the ones that had followed it. Perhaps the fire of their mid teens, balancing in a line between innocence and the discoveries of the world that made them not so, had been the one to fuel the moment and make it unforgettable. Jisung wasn't sure. He just knew there didn't exist a feeling like it.

Felix hummed, also deep in his train of thoughts. He broke it after a while, seemingly decided about a certain memory, "You know, even if we don't remember it..." his eyes trailed until they met the older's, "...my favorite memory of us has to be our first meeting."

There was nothing but honesty behind those words. That moment they first approached each other, barely more than babies, an instant none of their minds could recall; it had been the thing to drag them to where they stood today. Because yes, it was confusing, and yes, there were so many things in between that couldn't be understood, but they were still together— Jisung and Felix, Felix and Jisung. Their names rolled off each other's tongue naturally, having been a word engraved in them deeper than their soulmate's ones, and the only word they wouldn't mind saying for the rest of their lives.

The front door of Jisung's house appeared in front of them, awaiting. The wood was losing its once bright color, and the handle was covered in rust from so many people going in and out, turning it. There was a dim light shining from somewhere inside the home, welcoming them to come closer but, at the same time, distant. Felix brought his hand up to knock, being stopped by the other in a quick reflex.

And then the fear hit.

Jisung's eyes grew watery, the tears threatening to burst down at any time and his voice cracking when he whispered, "What if it's not what we want? What then?"

What then?

Neither of them had stopped to wonder about it. True, the options had never been sure and they'd been careful to not get their hopes too high, yet now, they reached the stars that watched upon their intertwined hands. How would it feel to have them crushed, something they should have expected by then and that foolishly forgot in the utter perfection of the moment?

But what then? Move on, stay together, distance, try again, search for their actual soulmate? The void the lack of each other would leave in their bodies would be deeper, more painful, than any wound they had recovered from.

"Felix," the latter turned around to properly face Jisung, holding his two hands in his, waiting patiently for the words to be found, "I want you to know— I love you. Whatever happens, I love you, and I've always had, and I don't want this to end."

Taking action rather than searching for the right thing to say, Felix placed a featherly kiss on the older's lips, then on his nose, finishing on his forehead; a quiet way of letting him know he returned the feeling with as much passion.

One knock on the door was enough for someone to open it. Hyunjin was standing there, and if he was fighting back a smile, the other two didn't notice and simply followed him inside, to the house they had both spent most of their lives in. The light seen from outside turned out to be that small lamp in a corner of the living room; Seungmin and the boys' parents plus Younghyun were gathered in front of the TV, their friend on the floor biting his nails in anticipation. Beside him, an object most of them hadn't seen in years connected to the screen with a ridiculously long cable— a cassette player.

Jisung's mother stood up, quickly covering her mouth with a hand as to not say anything she wasn't supposed to after Seungmin shot her a warning glare. She sat down again next to her husband, leaving both him and Felix in utter confusion while they debated whether to ask something or wait for them to explain.

The youngest of all rose from the cold tiles, gesturing for the two to take a seat, and then showed them a cassette tape.

"I didn't think it would be possible to find this, but I had to try anyways," he began, "Your parents didn't only had pictures of you in kindergarten. I asked them to contact your teacher from back then— Mrs. Hirai? Yeah, she still works there. So they went and talked to her and she remembered you guys!"

They didn't know where he was trying to go with it. Jisung and Felix looked equally as lost, and judging by the others' expressions, it was showing in his faces.

"Apparently she used to record some of her classes when she first started working to get better at her job," Hyunjin slung an arm over Seungmin's shoulder, substituting him in finishing the explanation, "she kept the tapes from her first three years. You two happened to be in the second. She..."

As Jisung and Felix's shared braincells started to connect the dots, forming a coherent thought and promptly widening their eyes in realization, Seungmin had started inserting the tape in the casette player while their parents fumbled with the TV remote until one of them turned it on. The image of a playground took over, the bright colors of the grass, the pond and the sky not exactly looking alive from all the years the recording had spent in the corner of an attic, long forgotten.

A place neither of them would have remembered if their minds hadn't been purposefully triggered.

"... Mrs. Hirai, she recorded your first meeting."  
  


_THREE YEARS OF AGE_

_Kindergarten was not an experience people tended to remember as they grew older— except for the parents of those kids left in a classroom full of toys, their wailings of not wanting to separate forever hanging over the adults' head. Han Jisung was almost one of them. The idea of being away from his parents for that long, a stranger taking care of him in turn, wasn't the most appealing. The difference between him and the rest of the children was his crying; quiet, uneven sobs as he clutched his dad's hand, trying to convince him to take him back home and play together with those big, colorful lego pieces._

_But, alas, the man had to leave without looking back to not let his impulses take the best of him and run back to his dear son._

_"Come on, sweetie," a soothing female voice said right beside the boy, belonging to a young woman who was crouched to his height and holding an object he couldn't quite identify in one of her hands, "My name is Momo. I'll be here with you, but for now, you have to sit down at your desk."_

_With her tender manners she guided him to a small table, surrounded by the loud yells of other kids who hadn't been taught to be quiet, and promised she'd return not too long after— for someone who hadn't experienced anything in life yet and, therefore, had no stable concepts of anything, the two hours Jisung waited truly seemed like minutes. Time passed between long stares at that stain in his wrist that no one wanted to explain, then drawing stick figures with a bright blue crayon and, in the process, finding a rhythm in the way his feet barely tapped the floor._

_A smile adorning her already beautiful face, Momo offered a hand to the boy and accompanied him out once they were allowed to go to the playground for recess. Jisung timidly accepted it, biting into the chocolate bun his mother had packed in his tiny bag as he was met with the sight of the sky, its color similar to the scrawls drawn in his paper earlier. It fascinated him, yet soon he discovered there was more to it; the leaves in the trees swayed with the soft breeze of October, a pond awaited in a corner of the scenery with two animals moving across it._

_Glancing at the teacher, Jisung spotted the same black lines in her forearm— he'd seen it in everyone, frankly, but he still had no clue as to what it was._ _Being unable to read was getting annoying._

_"Momo," he called, louder than he'd usually be, and quieted down as soon as she turned to face him, "what are these things in our arms?"_

_Momo smiled and gestured for the boy to sit in the ground next to her, right beside the pond, "They are called soulmate marks, or soulmate tattoos. They are the first words your soulmate will say to you when you meet, so you know it's them. Your soulmate has the words you will say on their skin."_

_His little head pondered the answer for a minute, processing it as fast as it could go while being distracted by the flowing waves of the water._

_"What's a soulmate?"_

_The woman's melodic laugh echoed around the air, playing with the object between her hands, seemingly turning it on after pressing a few buttons. A small screen lit up on the side of it, and Jisung was amazed to watch how the images on it where the exact same things unfolding in front of his eyes; the grass, the pond, his short legs._

_"A soulmate is the person who will love you the most in this world, and the one you'll love the most too," she said, still adjusting certain things on the item yet spying the boy from the corner of her eye, watching his reactions, "For some people it's romantic. For others it's the best friend they'll ever have. For others it's both."_

_"What does my tattoo say?_ _I can't read."_

_Before she could tell him, another kid had come rushing towards them, engulfing Momo in a hug with a strength that almost threw her back, despite him not being much taller than Jisung. Once he separated he wasn't able to stop his excitement and stared up and down the teacher, promptly finding the mysterious article and yelling, "Mrs. Hirai, is that a camera?!"_

_A camera. What did it do? Why was it replicating the scene, as if it would capture it and retain it inside the screen that had started to show so many numbers? What did the numbers mean? Who was this boy? So many questions were giving Jisung a hard time— why was the world so difficult to understand? Yet another one he couldn't have known the answer of._

_The only dissipated unknown was the kid's identity, for when Momo spoke again he could finally put a name to those chubby, freckled cheeks, "It is, Felix. I want to record some things. Why don't you go play with Jisung, and I'll record you both?"_

_The latter was unaware of Felix's everlasting energy. It hadn't been enough for the boy to crush the woman into a hug, so now he was tackling Jisung down onto the grass patch below their feet; he sort of gave in, letting the other move away when he wanted to. A loud gasp left Felix's lips when the sight of the vast sky, infinitely blue and so far from their reach, grazed his eyes after turning over his back. Next to him, Jisung had resorted to admiring the boy. The way his entire face lit up when he saw the sky, every cloud and every bird reflecting on the deep color of his irises, struck him in a part of his chest he didn't know existed— and wouldn't know until he grew older, with the other by his side._

_"Woah," Felix kept staring at the mass of blue above their bodies, "The blue sky is so pretty."_

_A loud honking noise diverted their attention from it. One of the winged animals in the pond was still moving around, close to the shore; Jisung had seen that creaturer somewhere before._

_Sitting up slowly, he looked at his new friend and then pointed at it, curious, "Is that a goose?"_

_What a shame they couldn't read, for Momo had only read the older's words to herself and doubted they'd be the same that were just pronounced, never looking at Felix's wrist in an unfortunate forgetfulness. Still, how lucky must they have been to meet their soulmate so early on, if it turned out to be true. Only they fought to remain together at all times, that is; but with the sparks that flew between them at their very first meeting, very much like the shooting stars they'd grow to love, there wasn't much to be unsure about._

_"I think it is!"_

_Fate smiled upon them._  
  


Silence.

The TV had been turned off, letting all the images and sound of the video sink in. Felix and Jisung hadn't torn their eyes apart from the black screen, too shocked to even breathe deeply. Once they were able to move, their gaze was immediately directed to the tattoos on their wrists, reading the words over and over despite knowing them by heart. Around the pair, the rest awaited for a proper response to what had just been revealed.

Finally, they stared at each other, and with no words they threw themselves into a hug and didn't let go for several minutes, their sobs coming out choked from all the weight being lifted from their shoulders after so many years. The confusion their minds went through, the pain of their hearts each time a kiss reminded them of how much they could have— it all went away, only allowing the memories to remain. Once the calm after the storm arrived, they could separate and look at the people around them.

"Thank you."

Seungmin's smile was the fondest ever seen, while Hyunjin's face was already stained with tears he frantically tried to dry, not succeeding much; Jisung's mother was next to the taller, her head hidden in his shoulder in an attempt to cover that she, too, had cried. Her husband and eldest son weren't too different. They were visibly restraining themselves from congratulating their boy, waiting for the moment Jisung himself was ready— much like both of Felix's parents, who were holding back their smiles and cheers. The love taking over the atmosphere was one never felt before, for even the twinkling stars outside called them for the happiest meeting after having watched the two grow up.

So Jisung took Felix by his hand, intertwining their fingers as they had done innumerable times, and dragged him outside to lay in the false grass under the dark sky. Without hesitation, he peppered the younger's face in kisses, leaving one on every freckle he could count and letting the melodious sound of his giggles consume him whole. He moved to place another kiss on his wrist, right where his tattoo was,

_'Is that a goose?'_

and felt Felix doing the same soon after with his mark,

_'The blue sky is so pretty.'_

before finally connecting their lips and melting into each other.

"It had to be you," Jisung mumbled, playing with the blonde locks as their breathing slowed down.

A smile on his face as he remembered the words said so many years ago, Felix hummed, "I told you I'd be your soulmate."

"Yeah, so I didn't cry until I died."

"Guess you're not doing it then."

Chuckling, they turned their heads just in time to see two shooting stars falling across the ocean of deep blue in an almost perfect parallel, remaining as close as possible until they reached their destiny.


End file.
